Wednesday, 29 June 2011

the bit about me

You are the master of your own destiny...
...corny or what?
...unfortunately it's true!

Only you have the power to make a change.
It’s actually whether you want to.

All it takes is one small step in the right direction and the rest will follow.

I made a decision a few years ago. A big decision. Decisions are hard when you're stuck in the 'no way out' bubble, or when people try and lure you out of it. I was working in fashion. It was fun (at times). 

'That must be so amazing?' people would gasp, when the career exchange took place in idle chit chat.

On the outside, yes. I'm not poo pooing it. It was a great experience. It built me up to where I am now, but back then, it was becoming more of a  No’s not so great. 

I was tired. Underpaid (I think it's their ploy to make you feel worthless). Worked long long hours. I was binge eating to reward my sorry little soul. There was never any thanks and it was never enough. 

I wasn't happy :(

I love to get stuck in and I love being pushed, but all very well if you are actually truely passionate about it.

I thought I was passionate about it.

Turns out.

I wasn’t.

If you want to be happy, you have to make a change. Change is difficult. For some, there are always excuses to stay put in their unhappiness, but change is necessary. 

The only ‘iceberg’ before my Titanic was my career. So I started with a change there.

So what was I passionate about? Sometimes it’s hard to see what you’re passionate about because it’s been right under your senseless nose the entire time. 

I discovered fashion at a young age, starting more with an appreciation for a beautiful image, rather than having any fashion sense! However, and this slipped in so unawares that I almost didn’t notice it! My passion for food started when I was a toddler. I remember being passionately angry that I got my brother’s pate sandwiches at school instead of my marmite ones. I remember being made green beans and pork saltimbocca on holiday. I remember the smell of the delicatessen, sugared almonds and hanging meat. I remember the green grocers. I remember the Heinz tomato soup that made me vomit over a friends caravan (yuck). I remember making my first soup (cabbage, bread, cheese – better than it sounds!!). I remember making my mother’s breakfast when she was ill. I remember the power cut and discovering peanut butter. I remember the pizza’s we hand made at Easter. I remember liking brussel sprouts and broccoli when everyone didn’t. I remember regretting not having eaten more birthday cake because I was too shy. I made all these memories before the age of 6 and there are plenty more.

I’ve always loved food, and not in a oh I like to eat kind of way. I am obsessed with food. I think about it. I remember it. I imagine it. I talk about it. I eat it. I’ve eaten normally, I’ve abstained, I’ve binged and now my body is back to homeostasis; I eat in moderation. I’m no snob. I eat the ‘rubbish’ sometimes. I understand why people eat the rubbish and I understand its allure, but I mainly enjoy good honest cooking. One that involves all the senses. The one that involves all the flavour and the pleasure. It’s in my bones. My mother, my aunts and my grandmother are all fantastic cooks. Food is at the heart and very essence of our family. We are all passionate about food.

So, a good start. Food? So I made the change. It was first, and I am still 'learning.' I quit my job. I became a student (at 25 - now 27) to study Nutrition and Health, had to move out of my flat for a while due to lack of funds. Wondered whether I had made the right decision, but came out alright without bruises and am still surviving! It ain’t going to happen overnight. My grandmother always said ‘take each day as it comes’ and she was right. If you keep moving forward with a positive open mind, then things will start to happen...and happen ever so naturally...


Fleur said...

Amazing are such a clever girl you will succeed - you already are!x

Kate said...

I think change is always for better things to come in life! I enjoyed reading your blog so much

Natalie said...

Thank you so much Kate! I am returning to my blog very soon...i haven't been that well and am now back to my old self! xx